Sleeping with Dogs

There is a popular saying in Spanish that goes like this: “el que con perro(s) duerme se levanta con pulgas.” In English: If you sleep with [a] dog(s) you will wake up with fleas. Now, while this might be absolutely true if your dog has fleas it is also one of those empty glass/half full glass scenarios. There is so much more than getting fleas when it comes to sharing a bed with your furry (flea free) pal.

We do not sleep with our dogs on the bed. Not because sleeping with them will make them “dominant” (please, don’t get me started with the dog/dominant thing…) or because they smell bad or have fleas but simply because until very recently :) I was a very light sleeper… insomniac to tell the truth.

I have ample clients that want to know if it is okay to sleep with their dogs. And my answer is simply yes! If this is what you want to do. I would however have two cautionary “unless” scenarios in which I do not recommend sleeping with your dog.

1. Your dog guards the bed. i.e.: you try to get into bed and your dog is already on the bed and he/she receives you with a growl, or sneer or worse, will attempt to bite you if you try to make ever so small a space for yourself on the bed. If this is your home situation, please do not discipline your dog or sleep with him under these conditions. Instead call a reputable science-based trainer and have her help you. It is actually easy to “fix” if you know what you are doing :0)

2. You want to sleep with your pooch but your significant other does not. While not as serious- in my book as # 1, it is serious enough if your spouse/partner begins to resent the dog and takes it out on him/her (you know how easy it is to be passive-aggressive when in relationship and when we feel un-empowered…) Instead of imposing your dog on your mate, come up with some "what if" scenarios AKA: compromise! This is the very happy compromise we have reached in our household. It works great for John, our two dogs and myself:

Our dogs Deuce and Laika do not sleep with us on our bed but they do have “visiting” privileges. Laika sleeps wherever she wants. She normally starts in one of the dog beds in our bedroom and changes to the second – cocoon-like bed next to me. I wonder why she goes from one comfy bed to the other comfy bed… too drafty on bed one? Different feel and comfort for her not-so-young body? Closeness to me? Or because she has options? I guess, I will never know. Deuce sleeps in my office technically we share an office :), which is in front of our bedroom. He actually will put himself to bed by going to his crate when he is ready to power down… ah you got to love that! There is no bedside story or having to “force” him to go to bed.

In the am… very early in the am sometimes, Laika will either stand by my side or give me this tiny little whine. She is asking for permission and help to get on the bed. Up she comes. Two seconds later she is as tight as possible to John or me and curled into a little ball. Even though I hate feeling restricted I wonder who gets more enjoyment of such close proximity: Laika or me? Deuce will bark to let us know he is awake and ready to join us. We let him out of his crate and he comes into our bedroom, waiting until his release cue: Okay!!! And here we are: all piled up in one big warm bed.

I must confess that when we got Deuce the scenario above was not so smooth. Deuce would guard John and I from Laika. Guarding of resources between dogs IS normal dog behavior. Deuce was new to our household and not all sure of rules of the household and perhaps feeling a bit unglued for being in a new environment. Even though resource guarding between dogs is normal, we had zero tolerance for any display of aggression between our dogs in order to access us - their precious resource. No, she is my mom and dad… I was here first, etc. We implemented a fast rule: If either dog growled, sneered or gave the other one “the look” off they went; off the bed! No “what ifs” or excuses for the dog.

This is called negative punishment. No, there is no physical pain or fear-inducing intimidation towards the dog. In essence you remove a resource – something the dog wants. In this case, us and proximity to either one of us on the bed from the dog. With Deuce it only took very few trials for him to understand a couple of things:

1. There are household rules and bed rules: We are nice to each other and we do not aggress towards one another: Displays of aggression will lead to immediate social isolation! And for an animal (dogs in general) that is highly social this is big time punishing!

2. We share. Sometimes sharing is between two legged and four legged and sometimes the sharing is between the dogs only… I most definitively don’t want their stinky raw bones!

These simple rules when implemented with fairness and consistency –ah that pesky word… consistency, so hard for us humans… makes for a very peaceful household and very relaxed and happy dogs.