Let’s put this issue to rest, shall we?

I often get asked if it is “okay” to sleep with a dog in bed. This is one of the issues that is actually quite personal. Some people - I would say most people,  love sleeping with their dogs but other folks would rather not. And sometimes the “rather nots” do not know how to get their dogs off their beds!

The hesitation of having dogs in bed stems  - in my view, from the incorrect idea that dogs are statue thinking creatures and if we allow them on a higher ground (such as bed)  they will take the position of the “alpha”.  My answer to this line of thinking is to look for real evidence to this effect.  We could begin by investigating for potential problems while allowing the dog to sleep on the bed:  Is the person able to move the dog out of the way without having the dog respond by sneering, growling or worse, attempting to bite or bitting while on the bed?  Is the dog preventing another pet from also sleeping on the bed?

I would instead argue for the Parsimony Principle, which states -  that the most acceptable explanation of an occurrence, phenomenon, or event is the simplest, involving the fewest entities, assumptions, or changes should be applied here.

If folks then want to share their bed with their dog, they should go right ahead without any concern for their dog becoming the “dominant” or “alpha”.  There is, however, a consideration when the dog resource guards the bed as his own possession. This, of course, is natural dog behavior, but it could also be very dangerous.

Dogs are wired to “protect” what they consider a resource- something that they find valuable or want. A cozy place to lie can fall under this category.

When a dog resource guards a person’s bed, it is possible for the dog, in its effort to hold on to the possession, to sneer, growl or even bite.  If this was the situation, I would argue that having a dog on the bed at anytime is not a good idea.

I have worked with a couple of clients whose dogs would jump up on the bed and prevent one of the owners to get into the bed!

So what is the solution here?  If people are good about following with a management protocol, and closing the door to the bedroom is, of course, the easiest thing to do.

Alternatively, one can teach a dog an “off” cue that the dog learns as if it was learning a fun game. In essence, the dog gets paid for jumping of the bed (and staying off).  If the dog  jumps on the bed he is asked again to get off and then he is rewarded for doing so! Viola! Problem solved.

Another sticky issue arises when one person wants the dog in bed and the sleeping partner does not. This is a typical example of how folks have different expectations and relationships with their dogs, and frankly I think it has very little to do with one person  loving the dog more, and the other one loving the dog less.

Daisy

A potential client calls to see if I can take her 4-month-old Lab for a few days. It has been a while since I had a puppy for B&T and frankly I am looking forward to it for my sake and that of my two dogs.

They arrive and Daisy now out of the car begins to investigate. She runs in her cute puppy manner towards me as if she has met me before and I am her biggest friend.

I noticed a big grin on my face. Ah puppies! You got to love their energy and amusing ways. And how about that puppy-breath?

Now it's Deuce's and Rio’s turn to meet Daisy. Daisy has not had any experience (besides her parents) with adult dogs so we are eager to see her reaction. I bring both dogs out and have them investigate Daisy while Daisy remains next to her owner and separated by a gate from both dogs as to not overwhelm her by their approach, and to give me an opportunity to asses her reaction towards them.

She pees a bit in submission but otherwise she is happy to interact and the fun begins. The three of them are play bowing, taking turn sniffing each other, running and just having fun.

Daisy’s mom leaves and I make sure that she is comfortable.

As part of the board & train we will work on some basic obedience (drop it, loose leash walking, off, etc.) as well as to continue with her housetraining, and dog & dog interactions.

Finally all tucked in the dogs fall asleep. Daisy in her big crate next to Rio - who is lying on her bed as close as she can to the crate.

The next morning as Deuce lays in the kitchen Daisy approaches him eager to play. I am watching them and noticed that Deuce either has not fully woken up or is frankly over the cute puppy. Daisy continues to pester him and he lets out a growl. Daisy responds immediately giving Deuce the room he is asking for. I had told Daisy’s mom that most likely Deuce and Rio would “correct” Daisy.

The thing is this. Well-socialized adult dogs will cut young puppies slack when they act crazy and rambunctious towards them. However, this license begins to fade once the puppy turns 5 months of age - the beginning of adolescence in most dogs.

Corrections by adult dogs must be gentle: A sneer or a growl and even a gentle physical correction should do the trick to having the pup mend his or her ways.

Daisy was corrected three times by Deuce when she was here – all appropriate corrections and she responded also very appropriately.

In one occasion she rushed towards Deuce as he was (again!) lying down. This time I did not see exactly what Daisy did to warrant his growl, but I am assuming that she startled him because he was lying down as she rushed towards him -  perhaps she might have even stepped on him.

When I turned around Daisy had moved away from Deuce and was now sitting all alone in the kitchen. Ahhhh, I felt sorry for her. I went to her, picked her up and brought her to the sofa with me. Two seconds later she had bounced back to her happy and confident self and was now gnawing on an antler-bone that I was holding for her.

The next morning, I was curious to see if Deuce would once again engage in play with Daisy and he did!

The beauty of well-socialized dogs is that they help socialize younger pups by teaching them social skills but they have an understanding of what is an appropriate correction.

Because of their lack of overall experience, young puppies can be sensitive to the harsh treatment of other dogs- especially adult dogs and one should make sure that the interactions that they have with all dogs are overall positive as to avoid a pre-disposition to fear when it comes to dog & dog interactions.

After seeing Deuce’s reaction to Daisy that morning I began to fully relax knowing that Daisy had learned some really good lessons and that she had the social skills instilled by her sibs to continue to positively interact with all sorts of dogs.

Before she left, I was hoping to get some cute photos of her. It was almost impossible! The results were images of half a puppy, or a moving head and paw. Disappointed at my images, I finally took a picture of Daisy that revealed a tired pup just taking a rest from one more play session with her newfound “buds”.

Sleeping with Dogs

There is a popular saying in Spanish that goes like this: “el que con perro(s) duerme se levanta con pulgas.” In English: If you sleep with [a] dog(s) you will wake up with fleas. Now, while this might be absolutely true if your dog has fleas it is also one of those empty glass/half full glass scenarios. There is so much more than getting fleas when it comes to sharing a bed with your furry (flea free) pal.

We do not sleep with our dogs on the bed. Not because sleeping with them will make them “dominant” (please, don’t get me started with the dog/dominant thing…) or because they smell bad or have fleas but simply because until very recently :) I was a very light sleeper… insomniac to tell the truth.

I have ample clients that want to know if it is okay to sleep with their dogs. And my answer is simply yes! If this is what you want to do. I would however have two cautionary “unless” scenarios in which I do not recommend sleeping with your dog.

1. Your dog guards the bed. i.e.: you try to get into bed and your dog is already on the bed and he/she receives you with a growl, or sneer or worse, will attempt to bite you if you try to make ever so small a space for yourself on the bed. If this is your home situation, please do not discipline your dog or sleep with him under these conditions. Instead call a reputable science-based trainer and have her help you. It is actually easy to “fix” if you know what you are doing :0)

2. You want to sleep with your pooch but your significant other does not. While not as serious- in my book as # 1, it is serious enough if your spouse/partner begins to resent the dog and takes it out on him/her (you know how easy it is to be passive-aggressive when in relationship and when we feel un-empowered…) Instead of imposing your dog on your mate, come up with some "what if" scenarios AKA: compromise! This is the very happy compromise we have reached in our household. It works great for John, our two dogs and myself:

Our dogs Deuce and Laika do not sleep with us on our bed but they do have “visiting” privileges. Laika sleeps wherever she wants. She normally starts in one of the dog beds in our bedroom and changes to the second – cocoon-like bed next to me. I wonder why she goes from one comfy bed to the other comfy bed… too drafty on bed one? Different feel and comfort for her not-so-young body? Closeness to me? Or because she has options? I guess, I will never know. Deuce sleeps in my office technically we share an office :), which is in front of our bedroom. He actually will put himself to bed by going to his crate when he is ready to power down… ah you got to love that! There is no bedside story or having to “force” him to go to bed.

In the am… very early in the am sometimes, Laika will either stand by my side or give me this tiny little whine. She is asking for permission and help to get on the bed. Up she comes. Two seconds later she is as tight as possible to John or me and curled into a little ball. Even though I hate feeling restricted I wonder who gets more enjoyment of such close proximity: Laika or me? Deuce will bark to let us know he is awake and ready to join us. We let him out of his crate and he comes into our bedroom, waiting until his release cue: Okay!!! And here we are: all piled up in one big warm bed.

I must confess that when we got Deuce the scenario above was not so smooth. Deuce would guard John and I from Laika. Guarding of resources between dogs IS normal dog behavior. Deuce was new to our household and not all sure of rules of the household and perhaps feeling a bit unglued for being in a new environment. Even though resource guarding between dogs is normal, we had zero tolerance for any display of aggression between our dogs in order to access us - their precious resource. No, she is my mom and dad… I was here first, etc. We implemented a fast rule: If either dog growled, sneered or gave the other one “the look” off they went; off the bed! No “what ifs” or excuses for the dog.

This is called negative punishment. No, there is no physical pain or fear-inducing intimidation towards the dog. In essence you remove a resource – something the dog wants. In this case, us and proximity to either one of us on the bed from the dog. With Deuce it only took very few trials for him to understand a couple of things:

1. There are household rules and bed rules: We are nice to each other and we do not aggress towards one another: Displays of aggression will lead to immediate social isolation! And for an animal (dogs in general) that is highly social this is big time punishing!

2. We share. Sometimes sharing is between two legged and four legged and sometimes the sharing is between the dogs only… I most definitively don’t want their stinky raw bones!

These simple rules when implemented with fairness and consistency –ah that pesky word… consistency, so hard for us humans… makes for a very peaceful household and very relaxed and happy dogs.