How does our “love” translate to our pets?

I have a beef with rescue organizations when they equate a good home for a dog just purely based on love.  Yes, really.  So, my rumination begs the question: How does our love translate in our daily life with our pets?

Let me explain my position above.  Not long ago I had a client who told me that his fearful dog was going to get a lot of love. Implying that love alone would help the dog in dealing with the fear he had to most people and to almost all sorts of interactions with people - with the exception of the few folks the dog felt comfortable interacting with.

Weeks after having this conversation, my client decided that the behavior modification plan we had in place for his fearful dog was taking too long so he decided without any sort of a consultation to attach a shock collar on his smallish dog and shock the dog whenever the dog growled or barked at his clients.  When I asked to discuss with him the use of shocks to “help” his dog get more comfortable around his clients who would come to see him at his home, he told me that he could not afford having his dog bite someone because he could not be open to a possible lawsuit.

So, is the scenario above real love for his dog?  I don’t think so!  Of course, no one wants their dog to bite someone.  And of course, no one in their right mind would not take into consideration the possibility of being sued as a result of a bite.  But the question still remains. How do we love our dogs?

When are we actually ignoring what is best for the dog and we instead focus on our needs and we make decisions out of fear, regardless of how this bears on the well-being of our dog.

The point that I want to make is that very often people (including most rescue organizations) focus on the fuzzy feelings WE feel as a result of being in a relationship with a dog. The fuzzy feelings we feel when OUR needs for companionship, fun etc. are met. Indeed, yes, this is love but not necessarily love for the dog.

The relationship one can have with a dog can very well be similar to a relationship we have with a very small child, where we must be able to anticipate their needs and act accordingly. Other times, the relationship with our dogs looks more like the relationship we might have with a spouse.  Both adults with very specific needs and wants. Here we are entering compromise “city”. In order for this relationship to thrive, both partners need to take a close look at how they can acknowledge their partner’s needs, how to best understand them and reach a compromise that makes them both, at the very least, able to live with the decision.  Of course, our dogs are not negotiating with us the same way our partners do.  For one, dogs do not manipulate us! (LOL) Instead, they ask the best way the can for what they need and also for what they want.

In my view, “translate” is really an accurate word to use when it comes to love for our dogs, because while it might appear to us that we are loving our dogs, what we might be doing is concentrating on our needs. At times because we live in a complex world that puts incredible demands on our resources such as time, money, energy even in acquiring accurate knowledge about who dogs really are.  Sometimes of course, we are not truly loving our dogs but ourselves when we fail to take into consideration how our decisions big and small surrounding our dogs in particular and our live-in situation generally affects them.

Is giving praise good enough?

Recently I was asked in class by a participant if she could stop using treats and instead praise her dog to motivate her to do the behaviors they were learning.

I know that every single trainer that uses food as a reinforcer has heard this same question thousands of times. A different variation to the question is: when can I stop feeding my dog for doing “x” or “y” thing?

While I think it is crucial for owners to question procedures, this one in particular amuses me and frustrates me at the same time. It frustrates me because I think people in general lack generosity and empathy towards their dogs when it comes to requesting the dog to do something they want but expect the dog (or the child, the spouse, yes, fill in the blank - it applies to all of us) to just change their behavior or comply with us because WE want them to! This is the amusing part!

Using food as a reinforcer is a wise choice. Food is what we call a primary reinforcer.

That means in plain English that the dog does not have to learn to “love” it. It is something dogs want or would work for and if they don’t, well they die.

Other primary reinforcers are: water, mating (sex), control of environment and play/social interaction. Each of these reinforcers, or anything that is reinforcing for a dog, are also valuable to us as a way of achieving behaviors that we want from them.

So where does praise fall under as a potential reinforcer? For some dogs praise might be really high on the list of powerful reinforcers. However, if this is the case it is because praise has been paired (associated) with another powerful reinforcer for the dog. i.e.: a primary reinforcer. So the dog has learned that after the happy tone of voice: Good girl!, Great!, etc. comes the treat, the toy toss, attention, etc. Or at least and this is important no harsh consequences! It will take a very twisted person to praise and then smack the dog. Ugh!

Here is an analogy that will hopefully explain the above: When your boss tells you that you have done a terrific job, you will most likely experience many positive emotions such as pride, happiness and even anticipation for something that most people want: recognition in some salient way such as a perk - that they value such as a promotion or an increase in salary.

Now, if one gets lots and lots of: 'good job!' but nothing else comes of it… how long will this person continue to do terrific work just to earn the 'good job!' from their superior? Or, how many of us would continue to go to work (joyfully) because:

A. I should do it (moral stance)
B. Strong work ethic (value stance)

Now, wouldn’t you feel much happier going to work if you not only get told you are a valuable member of the team or something like that, BUT you are also getting paid for it? In other words, money is a very powerful (primary) reinforcer for almost everyone!

Yes, of course, there are other reasons why we do things: ego, sense of obligation, etc. But I assure you that this will not last if none of the above reasons on their own are not a primary reinforcer.
The bottom line - and this is not my opinion but straight from research done in over 200 different species of animals other than dogs - in our case, dogs need a reason why to comply with our request. To clarify, punishment (something the animal wants to avoid or escape from) can also a very powerful reinforcer. BUT how very sad to have our dogs comply because they are so afraid of being hurt, being afraid so escaping the blow becomes the motivation… not my game!

The good news is that our dogs have to eat!!! Otherwise they will… die. So why not use their daily food to train them to be happier dogs, more obedient dogs (ugh, I hate this term; feels so one sided…) -so let’s say instead: dogs that are wonderful, joyful companions - who love to participate in our requests of coming when called, getting off the sofa, waiting politely at the front door, etc. because there is something of value to them?

Giving your dog treats for his complying is not buying his love. Same thing with our significant other: They most likely (unless you just started dating :)) are not taking the garbage out or bringing our favorite wine home because they want to make sure we love them. It probably has to do more with being in relationship and as such we both are getting something that we truly want.

My suggestion to my client was to think of having a (fair) relationship with her dog by paying her handsomely with what her dog wants and to use those reinforcers to her advantage. Remember: whenever we think: my dog should do…. our dog is asking 'Why should I?' There is nothing strange or wrong about this. It just proves that our dogs are alive and as such, they too need reinforcers to continue engaging with life.