How does our “love” translate to our pets?

I have a beef with rescue organizations when they equate a good home for a dog just purely based on love.  Yes, really.  So, my rumination begs the question: How does our love translate in our daily life with our pets?

Let me explain my position above.  Not long ago I had a client who told me that his fearful dog was going to get a lot of love. Implying that love alone would help the dog in dealing with the fear he had to most people and to almost all sorts of interactions with people - with the exception of the few folks the dog felt comfortable interacting with.

Weeks after having this conversation, my client decided that the behavior modification plan we had in place for his fearful dog was taking too long so he decided without any sort of a consultation to attach a shock collar on his smallish dog and shock the dog whenever the dog growled or barked at his clients.  When I asked to discuss with him the use of shocks to “help” his dog get more comfortable around his clients who would come to see him at his home, he told me that he could not afford having his dog bite someone because he could not be open to a possible lawsuit.

So, is the scenario above real love for his dog?  I don’t think so!  Of course, no one wants their dog to bite someone.  And of course, no one in their right mind would not take into consideration the possibility of being sued as a result of a bite.  But the question still remains. How do we love our dogs?

When are we actually ignoring what is best for the dog and we instead focus on our needs and we make decisions out of fear, regardless of how this bears on the well-being of our dog.

The point that I want to make is that very often people (including most rescue organizations) focus on the fuzzy feelings WE feel as a result of being in a relationship with a dog. The fuzzy feelings we feel when OUR needs for companionship, fun etc. are met. Indeed, yes, this is love but not necessarily love for the dog.

The relationship one can have with a dog can very well be similar to a relationship we have with a very small child, where we must be able to anticipate their needs and act accordingly. Other times, the relationship with our dogs looks more like the relationship we might have with a spouse.  Both adults with very specific needs and wants. Here we are entering compromise “city”. In order for this relationship to thrive, both partners need to take a close look at how they can acknowledge their partner’s needs, how to best understand them and reach a compromise that makes them both, at the very least, able to live with the decision.  Of course, our dogs are not negotiating with us the same way our partners do.  For one, dogs do not manipulate us! (LOL) Instead, they ask the best way the can for what they need and also for what they want.

In my view, “translate” is really an accurate word to use when it comes to love for our dogs, because while it might appear to us that we are loving our dogs, what we might be doing is concentrating on our needs. At times because we live in a complex world that puts incredible demands on our resources such as time, money, energy even in acquiring accurate knowledge about who dogs really are.  Sometimes of course, we are not truly loving our dogs but ourselves when we fail to take into consideration how our decisions big and small surrounding our dogs in particular and our live-in situation generally affects them.

Spoil them! Why not?

I am talking to my colleague Erica about the particular concepts that we are thinking about these days. We are sharing our peeve projects and what we share with them and why we think it is important.  

We are sharing our ideas as to why one should train dogs (or any animal for that matter) and we both agree that we should train them in order to make their lives better.  That simple. That powerful.

Many people who keep dogs as pets truly are trying to fulfill the important task of making their lives better.  

These folks are making good choices for their dogs. Their dogs get to go places, they have ample opportunity for physical as well as mental stimulation, they are safe and feel safe - for the most part, they eat nutritious food that will help them thrive.  Their days are filled with games, fun and the company of perhaps other dogs and their people. 

Now here is a curious fact: Most of the world’s dog population are not pet dogs but dogs that have loose associations with humans or no association besides eating out of dumpsters created by the humans so they remain feral.

I would argue that part of training dogs to live a better life should include behaviors and management that will keep them safe of harm as humanly as possible. Also, training can help in incorporating dogs - which are yes domesticated, yet still animals in our household, where it is important that they can learn not to chew on our stuff, soil our carpets and keep reasonably quiet for our sake and that of our neighbors. These are all good reasons to train our dogs, because when the above is not in place, dogs do lose their homes. 

Of course, much more needs to be done with dogs - unlucky fellows that for whatever reason fear most or a lot of what happens in “our” world - now their world. Because once dogs learn that biting people (or dogs) keeps them safe they continue to do so if they are not taught alternative ways of dealing with the stress and fear that is part of the bargain of living in close proximity to people. 

Yes, indeed we must continue to strive to make our interactions with dogs a lot safer so that they do not have to aggress as a result of feeling threatened and potentially hurt someone. 

It goes without saying that learning about “real” dogs is the first step in understanding how to make things work for all parties.  

Now back to the importance of spoiling our dogs. Our relationship with our dogs does not escape cultural norms.  So, one must ask:  What are the cultural norms in regards to animals in general and pets in particular? Of course, cultural norms are never static but are challenged and as a result they change.  

Unfortunately, most societies still view animals as a means to an end. We are invested in animals as long as they produce something of value to us. Nothing more! Sad but very true. Little care or regard is paid to really learning about animals, their needs and their ethos.  This dreadful legacy has many roots but one of them is industrialization.  The more removed we are from animals that are the source of our food, the less the connection that these are sentient beings that are in need of our care and understanding based on who they are and not our capricious desires. 

It is tempting to think that yes indeed there is a difference between how we treat “those other” animals and our pets.  But should there be?   Great discussion for another blog entry.

Still, our relationship with our pets is bound by our cultural norms. On the one hand, (and I am now talking mainly of the USA) the pet industry with all its offerings, sees yearly earning of billions of dollars!

But the question remains:  Are our pets living wonderful lives? In many ways, yes. Just like us they are getting better health care, better food, etc.  However, there is still that “selfish” side to our cultural norms that dictate that our pets are supposed to provide us with emotional support, protection, and status.  I would argue there is nothing morally wrong with this but the question remains:  Are our pets living wonderful lives?

There is so much to gain in being in a relationship with our dogs. Our relationships with them can be one of the most valuable and nurturing of all. However, can we move past seeing our pets ONLY as surrogates for our needs?  

Can we begin to soften up to what they want, what they need and commit to providing that just because they deserve it- and not because of what they can do for us?  Can we begin to see more and more how our lives and choices impact their lives? Can we spend precious time with them enjoying their company, their antics?  What I call their dogness.  

One of the main reasons I do what I do has to do with my deep commitment to providing people that seek my professional advice with factual information about the nature of dogs. We truly must move away from debunked theories such as the Alpha/pack mentality where there are winners (us) and losers (our dogs). A theory mostly based on cultural norms of domination than facts.  Pathetic! 

And, of course, theories do exercise an impact in how lives are lived, so let’s make sure that the narratives that we subscribe to are narratives that are based on factual information, not fad, not violence for the sake of it and definitively not based in fear of being the “loosing party”.  

Let’s instead, train our dogs so that their lives are better, so that they are safe and are safe to be round but for heaven’s sake let’s also spoil them with abandonment as we commit to their needs being met so that their lives and ours - together, are truly wonderful.

Laika’s Christmas Horse

Laika had a fascination with horses. The first time I saw her in the presence of a horse was on my birthday a few years back. I was taking a hike with her and a foster dog named Annie - a cattle dog mix. Suddenly a pack of horses appeared on our hike - they were part of a summer program for kids.

I was lucky enough to put both dogs on leashes a.s.a.p while Laika squealed with delighted at the now nearby horses. From then on I was continuously on alert when it came to the possibility of finding horses on our hikes. The likelihood of what could happen gave me goose bumps (or as we say in Spanish literally - chicken skin).

On another occasion, Laika and I were on one of our often outings. On this particular day we were at a dog friendly park that extends to a beach AND the local horse track. The track actually has a handful of ways to allow a dog to venture into the track.

One day Laika saw from the car (mind you) a horse being exercised at full gallop. As we got out of the car and began our walk, Laika took off across an ample parking lot in the direction of the horse… wow, wow, wow! There was no freaking way I could catch her, not even then when I was younger. In an instant images of Laika being trampled by the horse or the jockey falling on the ground flashed in my mind as I tried to figure out how to call Laika back to me. I did the only thing I thought of at the time and it worked! By sheer luck Laika looked back as if wondering if I was coming along for her private adventure only to find me running in the opposite direction. Her predatory instinct kicked in full swing and she returned to me.

After these (and a handful of other less dramatic incidents regarding horses) I did some training sessions in the presence of corralled horses and Laika on a leash.

The goal of my training was to teach Laika to make eye contact with me when she saw a horse. She did this with no problem as she was hungry and what I offered her was something truly delicious. Yet the question remained: what would Laika do if she was once again off-leash and the horse out of the corral? Some scenarios I was willing to try just to find out… what if… but this particular one I was not - the stakes where just way too high. I guess, thought, that life has a way of presenting us with situations for us to learn about ourselves or perhaps it is just the nature of life…

As John, Laika and I began our hike on one Xmas morning here in Santa Fe, Laika and I were down below a slope with John on the trail just above us. Laika was off-leash when suddenly John alerted me to the presence of a horse. “Look a horse” he said. It took me a split second to leash Laika only to realize that the horse was loose. The horse was just wandering around at the border of the national forest as so many species of animals do in New Mexico. As I approached with Laika, we got very close to the horse. The horse remained standing and was also curious about our presence just as we were of him.

Laika and the horse touched noses, and then to my disbelief she gave this friendly black horse a play-bow! This is one of the moments where I wished my eyes were a camera just to capture that passing moment which was never to be repeated again.

My often cautious nature let me to move away from the horse and insist that we get back on with our hike. However I was secretly hoping that the horse would follow us.

Now a couple of years later, I sure wish I had let things play out a little more… could this horse and Laika have become fast friends?

Would I have found out once and for all what all the fuss she had made with horses was about if I had just let her interact (off-leash) with the horse?

I've been thinking about the social relations between different species. We all have read stories where animals in their natural habitat would not even interact with another species, yet do so peacefully with a chosen pal to the amazement of those who witness it. Or how about those stories where prey and predator also challenge their very nature to become close companions? What the heck is going on?

The possible reasons as to why animals of different species & natural “adversaries” form close bonds… might surprise you…stay tuned as we explore some of these reasons.