Let’s put this issue to rest, shall we?

I often get asked if it is “okay” to sleep with a dog in bed. This is one of the issues that is actually quite personal. Some people - I would say most people,  love sleeping with their dogs but other folks would rather not. And sometimes the “rather nots” do not know how to get their dogs off their beds!

The hesitation of having dogs in bed stems  - in my view, from the incorrect idea that dogs are statue thinking creatures and if we allow them on a higher ground (such as bed)  they will take the position of the “alpha”.  My answer to this line of thinking is to look for real evidence to this effect.  We could begin by investigating for potential problems while allowing the dog to sleep on the bed:  Is the person able to move the dog out of the way without having the dog respond by sneering, growling or worse, attempting to bite or bitting while on the bed?  Is the dog preventing another pet from also sleeping on the bed?

I would instead argue for the Parsimony Principle, which states -  that the most acceptable explanation of an occurrence, phenomenon, or event is the simplest, involving the fewest entities, assumptions, or changes should be applied here.

If folks then want to share their bed with their dog, they should go right ahead without any concern for their dog becoming the “dominant” or “alpha”.  There is, however, a consideration when the dog resource guards the bed as his own possession. This, of course, is natural dog behavior, but it could also be very dangerous.

Dogs are wired to “protect” what they consider a resource- something that they find valuable or want. A cozy place to lie can fall under this category.

When a dog resource guards a person’s bed, it is possible for the dog, in its effort to hold on to the possession, to sneer, growl or even bite.  If this was the situation, I would argue that having a dog on the bed at anytime is not a good idea.

I have worked with a couple of clients whose dogs would jump up on the bed and prevent one of the owners to get into the bed!

So what is the solution here?  If people are good about following with a management protocol, and closing the door to the bedroom is, of course, the easiest thing to do.

Alternatively, one can teach a dog an “off” cue that the dog learns as if it was learning a fun game. In essence, the dog gets paid for jumping of the bed (and staying off).  If the dog  jumps on the bed he is asked again to get off and then he is rewarded for doing so! Viola! Problem solved.

Another sticky issue arises when one person wants the dog in bed and the sleeping partner does not. This is a typical example of how folks have different expectations and relationships with their dogs, and frankly I think it has very little to do with one person  loving the dog more, and the other one loving the dog less.

Why?

We just finished playing with the Frisbee and I am now calling the dogs to come inside so that I can feed them and get on with my day. Yet Rio refuses to come in. Instead, she remains laying down in the cool front porch - her expression appears to be one of asking: Why would I want to come in?

I stop asking and I shut the front door behind me. A few minutes later she has changed her mind and wants in.

Do you remember being a kid and your parents asking you to do something and when you asked them why you had to do it their response was: Because I am your… (fill in the blank) and you have to do what I say, bla, bla, bla…

Guess what? It is not any different for dogs! Before they march themselves to “obey” our orders or requests the dog is always thinking: Why? What's in it for me??? Yes, I know we really love to think that dogs do things out of love for us and while I have no interest in denying the love they might be feeling, I also know that they are completely self-interested beings.

We need to understand this basic principle: All living species engage in behaviors based on self-interest. So the bottom line is that behaviors get executed when there is the motivation to do so. In essence…it is all about MOTIVATION people!

It is our job (since we are setting the “agenda for our dogs” and we have the big primate brain) to find, time and time again, motivators so that our dogs perform behaviors that we want and need from them.

I am aware that for some folks this scientific fact is too much to bear. Perhaps not “romantic” enough. Frankly, I do not doubt for one second that my dogs “love” me or that they want me around, (most of the time, say) but I have made peace with the fact that they too need to follow their own self-interest and that these two realities can coexist!

The fun begins when we find ways of bartering (motivating) our dogs to do what we need them to do because it is good for them even if they don’t “know it” or because it is what we want them to do. Besides, aren’t the best relationships filled with negotiations?

Using our dogs self-interest and need for motivators to our advantage is in my opinion one of the biggest differences between professional trainers who have an understanding of animal learning and the “average” pet owner. I see so many of my clients struggling with this aspect of their relationship because they hold dear to the belief that their dogs “should” do “x” “y” or “z”…kind of like our parents did…

I wonder if this big “misunderstanding” comes from the fact that our society thinks and treats dogs - and other pets - as possessions. Possessions, of course, have no agency!

Possessions have no needs and no self-interest. But because our dogs are not possessions, they will behave in ways that they consider advantageous.

I recently heard someone saying that her dog was "opportunistic" in the given situation that we were discussing. My immediate thought was that indeed her dog and all other dogs on the planet are opportunistic since they come pre-wired with the self-preservation. One can even argue that domestication lies at the center of self-preservation. However, this does not exclude them from forming strong bonds with us.

This topic of discussion is potentially controversial because it appears as if we have to take sides: Dogs are selfish OR dogs are capable of empathy/love. The debate continues and I truthfully don’t know why. Marc Bekoff, Ph.D., a former Professor of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology at the University of Colorado, Boulder, and cofounder with Jane Goodall of Ethologists for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, among others, have demonstrated that many animals including dogs are capable of empathy, humor and care of others. Since dogs are beings with intricate, emotional lives isn’t it possible that they can demonstrate empathy and care, AND also act out of self-interest? Perhaps the “problem” is that we are beginning to appreciate how similar dogs are to us and for some folks this notion is (still) very controversial…