Stop Talking AT Me

As its ringing, I pick up the phone almost mindlessly only to hear a female voice speaking at a 1,000 miles an hour with little room for an intervention on my part. I try to interject now that I realize this is a telemarketing type of call by saying that I am not interested in this conversation as I ask her to not call again.  “The voice” just keeps talking and at this point I am wondering if it is a robot or a “real” person who has been coached through this process of selling, while being massively annoying.

I give up trying to be polite and reasonable and just hang up the phone.  For some reason this experience draws me to think as to how many times during the day we do this to our dogs. No. I am not talking about the many delightful “conversations” one can have with a dog.

Just last night I had one of these conversations with Rio as she approached me while reading and looking for some affection.  Call me crazy, but I wanted to know how her day had been.  I listed for her the fun activities of that day as I petted her gently wanting, of course, some sort of verbal response in telling me that she had fun doing such and such; but instead, she just made herself into a little ball and lied down on the remaining area of the sofa that my body was not occupying.  I was now satisfied with our “conversation” and returned to my book.

But what does talking AT your dog looks like?  Unfortunately for our dogs- who tend much more to our every movement and body language, our verbal speech is not something they often understand.   Talking at our dogs takes place when the pet parent assumes the dog understands verbal language or when there is the assumption that the dog has actually learned what we called the “verbal” cue. Of course, dogs can learn the meaning of our words – or at least some of them as we teach them what they mean in a way the dog can understand. But the problem lies that many a times there is the assumption or even worse, the expectation that our dogs, who are indeed not only from another “country” but another species, should understand our constant babbles and act accordingly.

I’ll give you an example of when I have a talk AT my dogs.  I have trained my dogs that when I say, “stop” they will stop moving.  I have also taught them that “enough” means stop barking, whining because you want to eat or harassing me because you want the ball thrown for 5,000th time this morning.  From my perspective, stop and enough are somewhat synonyms as to vacating of an activity; but from the canine perspective these two cues are NOT interchangeable.

It might sound like I am splitting hairs here, but believe me I am not.  When we understand that our dogs are again a different species we can appreciate that we must try and accommodate their learning abilities.

Another important advantage of our care in using exact phrases or words that our dogs have truly learned – and not just gotten right because of chance is that we will be able to better direct our dogs to what we want them or need them to do.

I am all for mindfulness because mindfulness not only means that I need to slow down enough to notice something, but also because slowing down implies that I consider the other I am interacting with - in this case my dog.

Being mindful on how we talk to our dogs will reap benefits for both parties.  Here is another example of talking AT our dogs and it has to do with the tone of voice.  We truly do not need to yell at our dogs, they are fine at hearing. Yelling at them can really impact them emotionally.  Once again, by being mindful of the tone of voice we use we can pretty much teach a dog to pay attention to our whispers.  And speaking about tone of voice. In relating fully to our dogs, we can also make use of the inflection of our voice to communicate with them more clearly.   High-pitched tones encourage mobility and action; deeper tones encourage the opposite - a more quiet effort.  I am over simplifying here because our tone is also context specific.   There is one specific tone modality that I wish my clients would learn to use with their dogs.  It is called the “jolly-routine”.  The jolly routine implies that our matter-of-fact and happy tone of voice, signals to a less than confident dog that there is no need to worry.  This works wonders when dogs meet one another.  If there is a potential for this meeting to go awry, pet parents can help their dogs relax by they themselves being relaxed in how they use their voices.  Good trainers know this and they can turn on the “happy” voice even if inside they are feeling less than joyful.  There is, of course, an added bonus for this happy talk and that is that it might even convince you that everything is indeed all right.

I encourage you to talk more to your dog instead of talking AT your dog. What’s more, when wanting your dog to do something, think critically if you are being as clear as possible in communicating with your pal. You too will reap the benefits (at least from my perspective) of being more present when acknowledging your dog’s learning bias. 

Frustration

The dogs and I are playing our usual soccer game in the morning. I see Rio turn towards Deuce, as they both are trying to get to the orange ball, and she playfully grabs his tail in her mouth and gives it a tug. Deuce's focus is on the ball and potentially landing so he's unflappable as he proceeds to totally ignore Rio. The ball is in mid-air and they both are going after it.

I have to chuckle. These two could not be more different. I start to think about the reason as to why Rio grabbed Deuce’s tail at this precise moment and I conclude that this is her way (one of her many ways) of expressing frustration.

All animals experience frustration. The environment sure has a way to send us curve balls on a regular basis; those that learn to navigate these minor or not so minor irritations with grace and aplomb will not only survive, but thrive.

One thing I love about working with so many different dogs is that I get to witness, among other things, how they deal with frustration and learning challenges.

Research on early puppy development points to the importance of building resilience in puppies from a very young age - at 2-3 weeks old! Their ability to cope at this early stage with some (mild) frustration will prepare them for future challenges and their capacity for bouncing back. This is one facet where the temperament of a dog, and by temperament I mean more than anything the genetic make-up of the dog, will bear some weight on how the dog experiences frustration and copes with it. As always though, it is a two-fold phenomenon: The temperament of the dog and what the dog has been exposed to as well as opportunities for learning as to how best to respond to the doggy-world curve-balls down the road.

I would argue that expressing frustration -- and here I am trying to define it as: irritation, confusion and even (some) perceived lack of control over one’s environment which result in feeling upset, angry or plain “uncomfortable”, is a healthy response.

I have seen dogs express their frustration by: whining, high-pitch barking, sighing, walking away (from what frustrates them), getting way over-the-top excited and by giving up and stop trying.
As I see it, when I am working with either my dogs or my client’s dogs, part of my job is to monitor the frustration level of the dog so that even if the dog is experience some frustration, the overall experience will continue to have positive overtones. Sometimes with some dogs my goal is to teach the dog the necessary skills to bounce back from feeling upset with frustration and to resume with gusto with whatever task brought on the onset of failure, impatience, etc. When done correctly and I would argue humanly, the dog does learn to put the situation and the feelings of frustration in “perspective” – sort of speak.

He might continue to go through the motions of feeling frustrated but has also learned that there is something worth sticking around for and to bounce back emotionally to either more equanimity or just plain joy. When the dog has many appropriate opportunities to experience frustration, and from his viewpoint these opportunities produce a “good” outcome, the dog learns that frustration is tolerable.

When it comes to my own dogs and how they express frustration, at times I can just observe and laugh it off, and other times, I have to deal with my own frustration when for example: I get a bark out of Deuce to throw the ball just one more time, or a whine from Rio, as I am getting ready. Her whine, is short and stands for: let go outside to play NOW!

I would argue, that sharing our lives with dogs, provides us with ample opportunities for practicing our own resilience to feeling irked at them and generosity in our part in recognizing that dogs, just like us, need to express not only contentment but also frustration.

Car Toubles

The dogs and I have been going sheepherding (Rioja is just good company :)) for the past 2 years - same place, days and times. In fact, I only take this route with the two of them when we are going sheepherding. The only variables are that sometimes Rioja stays behind and goes for a hike with John and sometimes Deuce is wearing his fluorescent vest so that passing cars can see him when we work outside the big
enclosed pen.

I noticed about three weeks ago, on one of those days when Deuce was coming solo that he began to whine out of excitement. Well there is my boy, who for the most part is quite silent, now expressing pure joy and anticipation on what lays ahead.

Whining dogs in moving cars is a phenomenon that quite a few people experience once their dogs have figure out that a certain route as well as other contingencies, such as items of clothing - a prop like a walking stick, and a myriad of other non-verbal cues which dogs are masters at observing which means fun for them is to be had.

Dogs are masters at flow charts… When she wears these pants or those shoes it means we are going… weeee, how exciting!

If the whining and barking is excessive and the route long, this could turn out to be a torturous activity for the driver - and it is never the dog behind the wheel.

It is hard to modify the barking and whining behaviors because people should be driving when behind the wheel and not training! However, not impossible.

I am not ready to jump into training mode with Deuce because I kinda’ like hearing his excitement. And besides, it got me thinking once again: When is it appropriate for our dogs to express joy? Sadness? Frustration? ANYTHING?

This is a big lesson for me because I am sensitive to pretty much any loud noise. In fact I hate noise! Well I should have thought about that before I got involved in training dogs for a living and having my own dogs, no? Because whining and barking are normal parts of the canine vocal & emotional repertoire. So there you have it.

I have noticed however that Deuce’s whining is beginning a bit earlier (farther away from our destination) with every outing and that his whining is accompanied many a times with a typical Deuce move: the stretching of his front leg – almost looking like a dressage horse, only to let it drop full force on whatever surface happens to be there. Now this has to stop! Because besides my distaste for noise I also hate it when my car gets “trashed” by dogs.

If you have been reading this column now for a while, you probably have taken note that I am constantly assessing my emotions and responses towards my dogs, their behavior as well as the behavior of client’s dogs. I don’t mind this part, in fact, I welcome it – I definitively do not want to go on living blindly - without engaging in making [personal] choices.

Should I ask Deuce to stop expressing joy (whining) in the car because of my own neurosis towards noise? Should he be allowed to do so as long as it is not too "high" a pitch or for too long? And what about his pawing? Should I just accept the fact that if you live with dogs some of your possessions will get trashed?

There are times, of course, when the whining in the car is so unbearable that one can make the case of jumping into full training mode in consideration for the safety of all passengers or if not that, the possibility of the dog being scolded waaay too much by an exasperated driver.

In cases like this, I must say that curtailing vocalization or any possible car destruction is necessary. The training plan for something like this is not much different than any other behavior modification plan: You have to think like a detective or at least like a problem solver (love this part… totally fun) you must weigh in fairness for the dog by taking into account what is normal part of canine behavior with the fact that dogs live in our world and travel in our cars in addition to sound knowledge of the science of animal learning.

Yes, you are right! It will take patience, many, many “reps” and creative thinking. Sometimes it will require the use of some aids such as a crate - if the dog is crate trained or a calming cap, which will also require of prior desensitization.

For the time being, I have managed to calmly, in an almost -as-melodious- pitch, as Deuce is whining ask him to tone it down a bit. And he has. So we take turns: he whines in excitement and I look at him in the rear view mirror while I politely ask him to curtail the noise.

So far no need for a more elaborate training plan. And the beauty of it is, that I also enjoy knowing that my dog is having a grand time!

Life happens… even to trainers

Last Sunday we decided that we were going to take both Laika and Deuce for an “urban” walk in Santa Fe. I know it sounds funny to think of Santa Fe, NM as “urban” but since we live in the country about 10 min. away from Santa Fe, we think of walks within city limits as urban walks. These urban walks are some of the things that I miss the most from where we previously lived: Berkeley, CA. I used to take Laika (we did not have Deuce at that time) for 1 hr. walks almost daily. I had my routes depending on how I felt and what kind of training I needed to do with Laika.

A big plus for me during these walks was to have the opportunity to relax by looking at how people kept their gardens (as it seems everyone in Berkeley does). During our walks, I would also enjoy taking in the smell of flowers in spring… ah… I surely miss the fragrance of Jasmine! Here in the high desert there are not fragrant flowers on our walks. As we headed down a semi-busy street in downtown Santa Fe – John ahead with Laika and me behind with Deuce. As I was trying to manage his compulsive border collie (and highly obnoxious) behavior of spotting cars ready to chase them, a car with a huge brown dog - half way out the window sped by with the dog constantly barking.

I tried to warn John that Laika might begin to pull hard on the leash in a combination of frustration and wanting to get to the dog- this is called "barrier frustration." Barrier frustration in dogs is quite ubiquitous. In a nutshell, barrier frustration occurs when the dog that is being held back by any kind of barrier - in our case the leash - becomes frustrated because they cannot access something that they want: dog, person, cat, etc. An animal can get very thwarted over time and it begins to associate the stimulus that initially he/she wanted to access with a source of (the feeling) frustration and thus can respond by lunging, barking or any other display of frustration such as whining.

Laika’s outbursts are for the most part not a source of concern. This is after six years of on-going training, know-how and lots of treats and patience. In essence, a dog that has barrier frustration will ALWAYS have the predisposition to react with an explosive display while in the presence of the stimulus that elicits frustration; since this is just how this particular dog responds to feeling frustrated… think of someone who is under stress and frustrated responds with “road-rage” while others continue to follow the tune on their radio.

This past Sunday was the perfect example of Laika not being able to keep her “stuff” together: the close view of the massive dog halfway out the window barking at her was too much! She began to pull and puff! Off she went in hot pursuit of the car and dog! Needless to say, both John and I were startled and consumed with worry that Laika might either: 1. get run over by the car with the dog or by another car, and the possibility of the dog jumping out of the car followed by a dog fight, or 2. Laika jumping on the car intending to get to the dog and scratch the heck out of the car. John began to run after her as I walked - still holding on to my dog and trying to ignore the pain in my left foot (bad case of plantar fasciitis). The car, Laika and finally John made the corner… out of my sight but not out of my mind. I approached the corner with Deuce in tow to find John and Laika reunited.

So indeed, life happens also to (good) trainers! Collars get loose and we are encountered by circumstances that are beyond our control and potentially very dangerous to our dogs. Is there a moral to the story? I will say yes, since in my view there is always a silver lining.

Now here is an interesting fact for you: Dogs are one of the easiest species to train. Perhaps because of domestication and how much we know (in relation to other species) about them in laboratory settings. Having said this, a dog that will respond to a given cue (request) 90 % of the time (under the same circumstances and levels of distraction) is considered well trained. What I am trying to get at is that in training and behavior modification, as in life there is no 100 %. Of course it does not mean that we need to be satisfied with a behavior having a rate of 90 % when with practice in a myriad of situations (this is called generalization or proofing a behavior in trainer’s talk) a behavior’s reliability will go up.

I wanted to write this week about this particular incident because sometimes I feel people have unrealistic expectations about what their dogs can do albeit a little training and effort on their part. If trainers got paid for every time we heard from a potential client: "I want my dog to come to me when called ALL the time" we would be really rich!

Having a dog follow with our requests is really not magic as in: give your dog this pill and call me tomorrow if things have not improved. Training takes a LOT of effort and consistency- something we humans are not good at  - at all!

There is yet so much more that I can say about dogs chasing cars and their motivations for doing so, but instead I am planning on teaching a class to give clients of dogs who chase cars ( which by the way, it is normal dog behavior- pre-installed and all) some tools so that they can better understand circumstances where their dog might take off in hot pursuit after a moving car (or bike or…). The class that I am designing will also teach the dog alternative behaviors to chasing moving objects.