Why Training or Behavior Modification Fail- Part 2

If you read my previous post, you know then that I chose to focus on three main areas as to why training or behavior modification fails.  On that post; for those of you that played “hookey,” I delved into motivations behind behavior (s) as well as different strategies- some better and others not conducive to learning, in order to address some typical problems folks have with their dogs.

On this post, I want to expand on looking into client compliance, my second area of investigation.

I am not a people psychologist. My comments then are based on my own experience as a dog behavior “pro” that gives advice to my clients as to how better understand their dogs (from an ethological perspective), as well as teaching and training their dogs.

My other lens of investigation is my hands-on experience as a human being living in this world. In other words, someone else can be writing about me not being compliant when the roles switch, and I am now the one taking advice in learning something new or putting something in practice.  Going back to the main reason why my clients are not compliant when they have training plans and management protocols in place for them to follow, is very simple.

Okay, I will spare you the suspense and just tell you that they fail: be-cause  the-y  aaaa-r-e huuu-m-an!

I recently listened to an audio book which title picked my curiosity: Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop.  Yeah, I know, you are now curious too! His editor is thrilled they came up with this title- I am sure. In any event, the reason I was actually curious as to what Bishop had to say was not so much because of the title, but indeed because of the subtitle: “Get out of your head and into your life.” Good one, huh?

Among the many salient nuggets of advice there where some that hit home with me. Not only because I have been “there” but because my clients are “there” a lot of the times too. I wanted to see if by listening to this book, I could find a better understanding as to why they fail to do the exercises in between sessions, or follow the specific directions or…

Could I learn to motivate them so they could reach their goals?  Could I also become more understanding while still motivate them to reach their goals;  which frankly, have become “my” goals with a sense of urgency and meaning?

So here is one of the nuggets that spoke to me loud and clear:  YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, YOU ARE YOUR ACTIONS!   Boom! Right where it hurts!

I have heard of the “you are not your thoughts” maxim in the context of meditation and Buddhist thought but this motivational coach- with a very heavy Scottish accent, took it to another level.  As I understand it, we can spend as much time pondering upon a problem, wishing our luck was different- better. Mustering a plan of action, blaming ourselves or our spouse (and of course the dog!) for the state of affairs, but until we do not begin to take meaningful actions to change the situation, we are not truly showing up to live our lives.

Bishop also makes the point that people who get things done and all those aaam-aa-ziiin-g individuals whom appear to have everything easy in their lives do just that:  They take action.

Their actions might be devoid of  “fuzzy” emotion, because at times, they frankly would rather do something else!  Or perhaps they do not feel confident in their efforts, or the results their efforts might yield.  But, in spite of their feelings, they move forward with the plan of action.

Teaching our dogs new behaviors as well as us learning how not to put the dog in “x” and “y” situation, for example, because we know the dog cannot “handle it” requires that we show up.   Show up even when we continue to feel a bit hopeless, tired or need someone to give us support and direction along the way.

Clearly, there are a many more reasons as to why clients are not compliant. One can argue that we are just too busy, too spent, too… However, if we pay close attention we can see that all these “reasons” (frankly excuses most of the time) are all related to not taking the appropriate action.  Why do we choose the multitude of activities that appear to fill every moment of the day? Why did we choose the dog that we knew we had no time for because we travel so often? Why do we make the choice of crashing in front of the TV for endless hours when we can make a choice and use that time differently- regardless of how we are feeling about it?

When we choose to identify (or define ourselves) by our actions- as the author prescribes,  we are cognizant that in order to reach certain goals we MUST make choices.  We must be men and women of action! Of appropriate action that supports our most precious dreams and goals. In essence, we must choose to define ourselves by our actions and much less so by our thoughts.

Collecting Dogs

While speaking to a potential client over the phone, she mentioned to me that her third dog had “fallen on their laps” as they had rescued this young pup from a really bad situation. For me there is no need in repeating the details of animal abuse… I know it happens, but repeating them with gory details makes me sick to my stomach and sends me into a Buddhist refrain: It is (life, circumstances) what it is. Truth be said that this mantra is about the only thing that can give me some consolation when I hear the sad state of affairs, especially when it involves the innocent - such as animals. So please excuse me if I stop you on your tracks should you begin to tell me about stories of abuse… la, la, la, I don’t want to hear them as I put my hands to my ears, la, la, la, I sing to avoid hearing.

I have some theories about why we feel the need to repeat these stories but I will not get into them in this post, instead I want to talk about what hearing about other people’s dogs can sometimes do to me - this is regardless if they have been abused or not.

As my client is describing the dog, which is a young rowdy pup - oh I love rowdy because I see so much potential! I begin to feel, well… jealous? In truth I begin to covet her pup. I want this pup for me! And this has  happened on more than one occasion. So it brings me to the next line of thought: How many dogs is one too many to share your life with? Notice I did not use the verb “own”.

How does one know (trainers: this question is specifically directed to you…) when adding one more dog is really not such a great idea because you already have “x” number of dogs? Or you do not have the time to train and properly care for them? Or the money to take care of all the medical needs that sure enough will arise at some point in the life of the pup?

It is, of course, a personal question that merits an individual response; this I get. I am not trying to sound moralistic. Then again, we do need to be aware of what dogs need in order to make their lives not just a bunch of days one followed by another, but truly great.

I have some trainer friends (I love you all) that have been collecting dogs. They told me that what happened was that they got dog number “x” as an agility dog and their dog either was not as good as they thought – no one's fault, this happens, or their dog got old, injured etc. So instead of getting rid of their dog, which is completely fantastic, the dog continues to be a part of their family. And, they decide to get another dog in hopes that they can continue with agility, nose work, herding or whatever their passion in dog sports might be.

I have other friends who have adopted a dog that they met when volunteering at a shelter. One particular dog had some “issues” that a trainer friend of mine wanted to address. Big kudos from me to my friend because living and working with dogs that have severe “issues” is no picnic.

Now, let’s pause for a moment. Can anyone agree on what the right number of pets night be? I think not. Every household is different, pet parents are all different, with different goals, lifestyles and bank accounts. In addition, one might argue, dogs are social beings so having an always-there pal is kind of doggie-heaven for most of them, so bring them on!

On a personal note, I am as big a sucker just as anyone of my friends that I'm writing about. I honestly feel warmth in the belly when I see photos of super cute puppies from the local shelter… which one do I want, which one do I want, can’t decided… as if selecting a pastry or chocolate at the bakery.

My compulsion is not only because pups are super cute (there is a reason for this too you know) but also because as a trainer I see potential - a challenge. I want to see this dog transformed into a very happy and well-behaved companion. Someone I want to spend a lot of time with. It is kind of crazy isn't it? Now, having [only] two dogs - super cool both of them: Deuce and Rioja, I am coveting a very small dog. Think Chihuahua - a very different kind of dog for me. What is keeping me from adding this small creature to our family are simple practical things that only a Virgo of the worst kind (yes, I am a Virgo… kind of a drag) would consider. Where would he stay when the other two larger dogs are playing outside in the fenced-in-yard that has big enough holes that my (imaginary) Chihuahua could easily fit through? What about this little guy getting injured by a client’s dog that has ill manners? Or if I am walking with Rioja (mid-size) and Deuce (a bit more than mid-size) will my small Chihuahua keep up? And how about if we come across coyotes?

Besides my tedious ruminations, adding a third/ additional dog to a household unleashes a change in the dynamic already established by the resident dogs. With dogs there is without a doubt also a preference for friends and playmates and a real period of adjusting. Having to share toys, attention, resting places all take a toll on dogs. I guess the point of this “conversation” is not so much, at least at this point in the conversation, if should I get a third dog but experiencing my desire for yet another dog.

Thinking about the logistics of everyday living has given me a mirror to my soul. Don't you believe that if we pay attention to our relationship with our animals, they have the capability to mirror back to us? For me at least, (would LOVE to hear what you folks out there experience…) dogs are a perfect vehicle for reflection. My relationship with dogs (and specifically my dogs) ties me down in obligation but it also liberates me because I experience lots of joy. Our relationships also give me an opportunity to address my fears and aspirations, which in my book, is the hallmark of true friendship.