Last week I had with me a board & train named Scout. She and my dogs became fast friends, especially Rioja and Scout… talk about making a BFF in a matter of seconds! One of their many favorite activities was to either:
A. Play tug with a toy.
B. Lay together while dissecting “intact” toys, almost as in a competition as to whom may destroy the toy to pieces first.
For the most part, I am cool with dogs destroying their toys. I rotate them often to keep that: OMG look what is in my basket this morning- feeling. I also buy very cheap safe toys for them. My expensive training toys are safely put away in a drawer and they only come out when I am playing/training with the dogs.
Now check this out, as I encountered laying on the floor the remnants of a very cute toy, I felt sadness. Why this one? I began to debate if it was okay for the “Bobbsey-twins” to destroy all the toys in the basket, including the cute ones or if I should establish some sort of hierarchy:
No, this toy is to play nicely with because Aunt Deb gave it to you just two days ago or, this is one of my favorites. Just look at the cute face of the monkey (the sock monkey- no dog should ever go without one :).
This line of thought made me realize that my own needs of keeping cute toys intact where my needs and it had nothing to do with Rioja or Scout’s needs. What matters for them is how much they can pull on a toy without hurting their teeth, the toy’s give, texture, and yes even smell (the grosser the better). Of course, having a toy come alive is truly at the top of many canine's list.
I have encountered in my line of work plenty of times people’s needs collided with their dogs. Sometimes to the point that a person’s preferences results in a dog having a not-so-good-quality of life: i.e.: dogs should live outside, they are dirty. :(
Living with our dogs and parenting them requires that we are brutally honest. That we take a close look and at least accept the truth that we have biases. Biases that affect our dogs daily. Not always in a bad way. As a result of this, I put together a list of situations that I think clarifies making sure that my needs (as well as other dog parent’s) are clearly identified for what they are, and as such that I (we) consider very carefully when my (our) need are in juxtaposition with my dogs needs or even their wants - heck!
Parenting Your Dog
Parenting a dog means learning and understanding their nature and attending to their needs. It also means being an advocate for our dogs. Advocacy begins by recognizing and acknowledging their individual limitations. Be it their inability to be in close proximity with other dogs, surrounded by people at a public event, etc. By truly seeing our dogs with their challenges we can be fair to them in our expectations as well as make better choices for them.
However, I am NOT advocating giving up on your dog. Instead, help your dog become comfortable within his/her environment and social interactions. How one can achieve a balance between their safety and trust in us without excessively hindering their existence is a decision-making dance that we need to embark upon daily. Hopefully, the ideas below can give you some guidance.
When possible give your dog a choice.
By engaging your dog’s Seeking System with mental as well as physical activities that they enjoy. (Dissecting and feeding games, training-especially clicker training where they can execute more control over their environment)
See with new eyes
If you have two dogs (or a past dog that you loved) remember that every dog is an individual. Instead of wishing your dog was different or more like your other dog, acknowledge their differences.
Your needs or your dogs?
Bring some structure into their lives
Dogs thrive when their lives are structured sprinkled with novelty here and there. For example, engage your dog in a daily activity, but try and vary the activity often. One idea is to keep meal times somewhat consistent but vary how he/she must get the food. Sometimes use a food dispensing
toy, other times make them “hunt” for their food, etc.
Engage in daily play that is fun for both of you!
Let your dog win often to increase his self-esteem. Remember that when dogs are playing they cannot be fearful or concerned -this is how their brains are wired.
If your dog is not keen in playing with you please invest some time and energy in finding some sort of game that you both enjoy. If this sounds like mission impossible to you, get some professional help.
Do not assume you are helping your dog...
The truth is that I get tremendous amount of pleasure in seeing dogs just being dogs.
But I am still left wondering…. Why the monkey with the cute face…?
A. Play tug with a toy.
B. Lay together while dissecting “intact” toys, almost as in a competition as to whom may destroy the toy to pieces first.
For the most part, I am cool with dogs destroying their toys. I rotate them often to keep that: OMG look what is in my basket this morning- feeling. I also buy very cheap safe toys for them. My expensive training toys are safely put away in a drawer and they only come out when I am playing/training with the dogs.
Now check this out, as I encountered laying on the floor the remnants of a very cute toy, I felt sadness. Why this one? I began to debate if it was okay for the “Bobbsey-twins” to destroy all the toys in the basket, including the cute ones or if I should establish some sort of hierarchy:
No, this toy is to play nicely with because Aunt Deb gave it to you just two days ago or, this is one of my favorites. Just look at the cute face of the monkey (the sock monkey- no dog should ever go without one :).
This line of thought made me realize that my own needs of keeping cute toys intact where my needs and it had nothing to do with Rioja or Scout’s needs. What matters for them is how much they can pull on a toy without hurting their teeth, the toy’s give, texture, and yes even smell (the grosser the better). Of course, having a toy come alive is truly at the top of many canine's list.
I have encountered in my line of work plenty of times people’s needs collided with their dogs. Sometimes to the point that a person’s preferences results in a dog having a not-so-good-quality of life: i.e.: dogs should live outside, they are dirty. :(
Living with our dogs and parenting them requires that we are brutally honest. That we take a close look and at least accept the truth that we have biases. Biases that affect our dogs daily. Not always in a bad way. As a result of this, I put together a list of situations that I think clarifies making sure that my needs (as well as other dog parent’s) are clearly identified for what they are, and as such that I (we) consider very carefully when my (our) need are in juxtaposition with my dogs needs or even their wants - heck!
Parenting Your Dog
Parenting a dog means learning and understanding their nature and attending to their needs. It also means being an advocate for our dogs. Advocacy begins by recognizing and acknowledging their individual limitations. Be it their inability to be in close proximity with other dogs, surrounded by people at a public event, etc. By truly seeing our dogs with their challenges we can be fair to them in our expectations as well as make better choices for them.
However, I am NOT advocating giving up on your dog. Instead, help your dog become comfortable within his/her environment and social interactions. How one can achieve a balance between their safety and trust in us without excessively hindering their existence is a decision-making dance that we need to embark upon daily. Hopefully, the ideas below can give you some guidance.
When possible give your dog a choice.
- The choice to approach someone or not to approach them.
- Choice of several kinds of toys to play with.
- To engage with dogs in play or not.
- Having access to more than one resting place in the home.
- To leave the room, if he is noise sensitive, just before you are going to vacuum.
- Observe their body language. Assess if your dog is happy, mildly stressed, or outright fearful about a given situation or an interaction and act accordingly to protect your dog, etc.
By engaging your dog’s Seeking System with mental as well as physical activities that they enjoy. (Dissecting and feeding games, training-especially clicker training where they can execute more control over their environment)
See with new eyes
If you have two dogs (or a past dog that you loved) remember that every dog is an individual. Instead of wishing your dog was different or more like your other dog, acknowledge their differences.
Your needs or your dogs?
- Be aware of your personal needs as separate from your dog’s! For example:
- Does your dog really want to go to the art-fair? Or bringing her along is your need?
- Is your dog truly enjoying participating in agility, etc.? Or you feel that agility is good for her so you decide to put her thru the class, trail, etc.?
- Taking the time to evaluate your needs and your dog’s is critical especially when the welfare of your dog is at stake.
- Be consistent with expectations and consequences for your dog.
Make sure your dog understands your rules. For example, sometimes you feed him scraps from the table, but you get upset if he begs when you are having dinner. As you can see, this scenario is confusing and not fair to the dog. If you do not want him begging, do not feed him from the table.
Dogs thrive when their lives are structured sprinkled with novelty here and there. For example, engage your dog in a daily activity, but try and vary the activity often. One idea is to keep meal times somewhat consistent but vary how he/she must get the food. Sometimes use a food dispensing
toy, other times make them “hunt” for their food, etc.
Engage in daily play that is fun for both of you!
Let your dog win often to increase his self-esteem. Remember that when dogs are playing they cannot be fearful or concerned -this is how their brains are wired.
If your dog is not keen in playing with you please invest some time and energy in finding some sort of game that you both enjoy. If this sounds like mission impossible to you, get some professional help.
Do not assume you are helping your dog...
- In the words of horse/clicker trainer Alexandra Kurland, “Just because you are using positive reinforcement (no aversive), it does not mean the animal is having a positive learning experience."
- Commit to Building a Relationship with your dog
- Spend quality time with your dog.
- Making ongoing efforts to see things from their perspective, keeping them from harms way and engaging in mutually enjoyable activities are measures at the crux of developing a relationship.
The truth is that I get tremendous amount of pleasure in seeing dogs just being dogs.
But I am still left wondering…. Why the monkey with the cute face…?
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